The Scone of Stone

The Scone of Stone was stolen! It was stolen from the most unexpected and the best guarded place, The Dwarf Bread Museum. Of course, dwarf breads were substantially different from our breads; that is, different in substance. In fact, they included gravel as one of the main ingredients. According to the late Sir Terry Pratchett, whose whimsical imagination gave birth to Discworld and everything in it, “they were probably as edible now as they were on the day they were baked. “Forged” was a better term. Dwarf bread was made as a meal of last resort and also as a weapon and a currency” (The Fifth Elephant).

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The new Low King of dwarfs was about to be crowned, but the Scone of Stone, a crucial element of coronation procedure, went missing. To explain the vital role of it, here is a dialogue between the valiant Commander of Watch Vimes, whose responsibility it is to find it, and a distinguished vampire-on-the-wagon Lady Margolotta who speaks with a heavy Transylvanian accent:

We’ll have to wait until they bake another one?” said Vimes.

“No. There will be no more Low Kings,” said Lady Margolotta. “Legitimacy, you see. The Scone represents continuity all the vay to B’hrian Bloodaxe. They say he sat on it vhile it vas still soft and left his impression, as it vere.”

“You mean kingship has passed from bu—backside to backside?”

“Humans believe in crowns, don’t they?”

“Yes, but at least they’re at the other end!”

“Thrones, then.” Lady Margolotta sighed. “People set such store by strange things. Crowns. Relics. Garlic…

Now that you had your little chuckle, the most incredible part of this fantasy is that it is based on reality: a unique heist, or, as it was called, “a heist 600 years in the making.”

This film is based on real events. Stone of Destiny, AKA Stone of Scone, over which Scottish Kings were traditionally crowned at Scone in Perthshire, was captured by King Edward I of England in 1296 to be installed under the British throne at Westminster Abbey in London. Subsequent British monarchs, including the current Queen Elizabeth II, have been crowned on it.  However, In 1950, four Scottish students managed to steal it from Westminster Abbey and return it to Scotland. One of them, Ian Hamilton, tells this amazing story.

The students were never prosecuted, but “the Stone of Scone was returned to London, where it remained until 1996, when it was moved to Edinburgh Castle “on loan” with the understanding that it would be brought back to Westminster Abbey for the next Coronation” (Wikipedia).

With all due respect to dear friends across the pond, I have tasted scones several times and every time was reminded of gravel as an essential ingredient. Not my thing, I thought, until a wonderful blogger and custodian of two gorgeous kitty boys weggieboy  AKA Doug Thomas (who has sadly lost one of the adorable kitty brothers not long ago) mentioned that one of my posts had prompted him to make scones, and Boy! Were they yummy! Obviously, I saw it as a challenge: can I make scones that will not belong in the Dwarf Bread Museum?

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I have studied a bunch of various recipes, and finally came up with this. I whisked spelt flour with brown sugar, baking powder and a pinch of salt. For our purposes, I consider spelt gluten free, but please consult your physician. I am sure gluten free flour of your choice could be used instead. Meanwhile, I had some Smart Balance in the freezer, getting ready.

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Smart Balance, or any other non-dairy butter substitute, is softer than butter, so it should be frozen solid in order to be diced. You have to dice it very quickly as it softens literally under your fingers. Add it to the flour mixture but do not overwork it.

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I know that classic scones have currants in them, but I had these huge juicy blueberries, so I mixed them in.  Better than gravel!

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Finally, whisk some aquafaba (or an egg, if you want), together with non-dairy prostokvasha, or clabbered milk (for recipe, please click here), or any store-bought non-dairy kefir of yogurt. Add some vanilla extract and gradually incorporate it into the flour mixture. Turn it onto floured work surface and gently kneed.

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The dough will be crumbly, but don’t worry, just don’t overdo it. Flatten it into thick rounds and cut into wedges.

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Why scones must be this shape, I have no idea, unless it’s another one of those dwarf traditions that “people set store by.” Arrange your wedges on a lightly misted with oil baking sheet, spray them with oil (or use egg wash), and sprinkle with a mix of cocoa powder and xylitol or powdered sugar. Send it to the oven for a while and read some Terry Pratchett. Have a good laugh.

Scones 7

The more chocolate, the better! A splash of chocolate syrup never hurt anybody. As good as my scones look, they will not be accepted into the Dwarf Bread Museum for two reasons: first of all, they came out moist and delicious, and secondly, they disappeared faster that you can say CORONATION.

INGREDIENTS

  • 2 cups spelt flour
  • 3 tablespoons light brown sugar
  • 2 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
  • 3/4 teaspoon salt
  • ½ cup frozen Smart Balance, diced
  • 1 cup blueberries
  • 1/2 cup non-dairy prostokvasha (clabbered milk), kefir, or yogurt
  • 3/4 cup aquafaba or 1 large egg
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
  • Unsweetened cocoa powder mixed with xylitol or powdered sugar for dusting

PROCEDURE

  • Preheat oven to 400 F. Lightly mist baking sheet with oil.
  • Mix flour, brown sugar, baking powder, and salt. Add diced Smart Balance, mix lightly. Add blueberries.
  • Whisk together prostokvasha, aquafaba, and vanilla extract. Gently incorporate into flour mixture, turn out dough onto floured work surface, lightly knead.
  • Form thick rounds (about 1 inch or 2.5 cm), cut into wedges. Transfer to baking sheet. Mist with oil or paint with egg wash, sprinkle with mix of cocoa powder and powdered sugar or xylitol.
  • Bake for 20 – 25 minutes or until golden brown.  Cool on rack.

Enjoy! 

51 Comments Add yours

  1. My Cheeseseller used to be very good at making dwarf Bread. Lockdown has given him the time to figure out how to make human bread. My teeth are grateful….

    Liked by 3 people

    1. LOL Your dentist is not happy, though…

      Liked by 2 people

  2. animalizard says:

    Oh my word. Nothing has made me smile more for an entire year. God save the Queen and her seventeen inches of bathwater. In Holland these random, large stones are referred to as wandering, homeless stones. Leftovers from ice age glaciers, one supposes. Come to think of it, Scotland is one _en masse_ glacier. This resonates so much with me now though, as I remember having a hiding place near a neolithic tomb when I was a child. The stones made me feel protected and connected.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you for shaeing your childhood memories, dear friend.

      Like

    2. tidalscribe says:

      I have seen the Stone of Scone when we went to Edinburgh Castle. Scones can be divine or they can be dry and dreary! Nothing better than a nice English cream tea at good tea rooms with jam and clotted cream. I make my scones with wholemeal fllour and butter, milk and one beaten egg. Two rounds marked with a cross to break.into triangles when they’re ready to eat – best straight out of the oven.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. animalizard says:

        My mum’s hot cherry scones with butter and a cup of earl grey…

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve never read Pratchett. Fun post, all the same.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Again, at the risk of being blashemous, I would rather read Pratchett than Dickens. But I have made a promise to try Dickens, and so I will.
      Thank you very much, Derrick.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Tabula Rasa says:

        Start with David copperfield. It’s one of the most accessible other than a Christmas Carole but that is so well known it might bore you.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It already did, but I read it as a young teenager in Russian translation. I promised Derrick that I would try to read Dickens in original.

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, darling: I am glad you enjoyed it.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Blueberry scones get my vote every time. 🫐🍃☕️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much, dear Gail!
      Did you also lose your emojis? I did. At least yours come out as empty squares, while mine don’t show up at all.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m not sure. They come up every time I post them on this end. Sorry about that. 😜

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It came up now – aha! Got scared of you, didn’t they!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I still don’t have mine. Sending you a loving cat!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I think i have to read Pratchett. However the recipe is as intriguing as the story itself. At first i thought this bread is a joke. :-)) Thank you, Dolly! Will advice my cook (mom Lol). Michael

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Dear Michael, you absolutely have to read Pratchett; it will delight you and brighten your life. Thank you for your kind comment.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. :-)) Thank you, Dolly!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. My pleasure, dear friend.

        Like

  6. Tomorrow i am going to go buy some non-dairy yoghurt and finally try this recipe!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good luck, dear Mimi! Enjoy!

      Like

  7. A yummy presentation of history and a beautiful tribute. I love the way you combine stories with festive feasts.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for a lovely comment, darling!

      Like

  8. Tabula Rasa says:

    Dwarf bread is great. I especially love the idea that a dwarf never “went hungry when they had some dwarf bread to avoid. You only had to look at it for a moment, and instantly you could think of dozens of things you’d rather eat. Your boots, for example.” I wonder if the shape you have is a Scottish scone. In England a scone is a very different thing, a sort of a circular tower of fluffy white loveliness which you cover in clotted cream and jam….however wars have been fought between Devon and Cornwall about whether the jam or the cream goes on first.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are right; I have researched Scottish recipes because of the story line. Unfortunately, I have never been to England, so your ebulient description is very tempting and it just might entice me to finally make the trip.
      Thank you for a lovely comment!

      Like

  9. Chaplin: “Hmm, a scone of stone sounds like something even Tucker wouldn’t have eaten.”
    Charlee: “He might have tried, though!”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. ’cause none of you guys are dwarfs (dwarves?)!

      Like

  10. Reblogged this on By the Mighty Mumford and commented:
    LOOK QUICK—SCONE IS GONE AGAIN! WITH A SLIGHT TRAIL OF CRUMBS~ 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for reblogging, dear friend!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. YOU ARE WELCOME, DOLLY!

        Liked by 1 person

  11. purpleslob says:

    Mama makes scones that are constantly requested, by 1 certain nephew in particular. So far, I believe she has always left out the gravel! I have heard of the real stone of scone! What a great story!! I love your combination of history, factual or not, music, the arts, food, (the most important ingredient!!) and the actual making of it. Of course, I always forget, and leave that part out!! Air food doesn’t make my tummy happy!! It eagerly awaits a visit to your house!!
    Love, Me

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And I eagerly await your visit, my favorite purple person! Thank you for a lovely comment.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. P.S. Can’t get to your blog again! If you have posted anything new, please send a link.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. purpleslob says:

        Newest: https://purpleslobinrecovery20.design.blog/2021/02/01/desk-doings/
        One will be posted Mon. Thanks for keeping trying! I appreciate you!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Went there and caught up – thank you for the link, darling!

        Liked by 1 person

      3. purpleslob says:

        My pleasure! Any time. Did you bookmark it? lol

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I did, and I have done it before, but every time Norton does updates, some bookmarks disappear.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. purpleslob says:

        IKR?? Computers drive me nuts! This week I couldn’t even remember how to play a CD!! So, waiting till XH has time to come over and touch it. Then it’ll work!! lol

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Yep. The Boss is kinda overwhelmed with work right now, so I don’t want to bother him.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. purpleslob says:

        Best not! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  12. CarolCooks2 says:

    Ahhhh scones… my mother makes the best my favourite although I do love jam and cream are cheese scones… as always a delightful mix of history and food… Hugs x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are British, darling – of course your mother makes the best scones! Mine are only a poor imitation, I am sure.

      Like

      1. CarolCooks2 says:

        Awwww… Thank you, dear Dolly even my scones are a poor imitation of my mothers scones…x

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I say the same about everything my grandmother cooked and baked, darling.

        Liked by 1 person

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