The Infamous Pirate Queen and the Traveling Rations

Was there a pirate ship called The Black Pearl that roamed the Caribbean? And was there a flamboyant, dashing Jack Sparrow who captained it? No and no!

The main lie, of course, is that Jack Sparrow never existed, and the real pirate, on whom Johnny Depp’s character (largely composite) is loosely based, was oh! so far from the fierce fighter of the Disney extravaganza! Captain John Rackham, AKA Calico Jack, has never achieved the legendary wealth and glamour of numerous victories at sea attributed to infamous pirates. His peculiar fame lies in the bosom of his wife, Anne Bonny, and her best friend Mary Read, both the combatant stars of Calico Jack’s crew.  There is no one better to tell you this story than a brilliant Scottish Celtic singer and songwriter Karliene:

Every word of this haunting song is true, including the fact that Anne Bonny was a red-haired beauty. To deceive the all-male crew of Jack’s sloop “Revenge,” the 17-year old girl wore male clothes, worked and drank on par with the guys, and fought, possibly, even better than they did. Soon another young woman in male disguise joined her, and, according to rumors, Captain Jack, who was not the sharpest cutlass in pirate business, became insanely jealous of “Mark,” his wife’s new best friend. Both women had proven their mettle when the sloop was boarded by the British marines; male crew members hid under the deck, while the two young pirate queens went at it, cutlasses a-blazing (“A General History of the Pyrates” by Capt. Charles Johnson, 1724, is considered a reliable historical record). The ringing parting words about “fighting like a man or being hanged like a dog” are documented. However, as we all know, dead men tell no tales:

We’ve been to the Keys many times and are quite familiar with pirate lore which, together with Jimmy Buffet and Papa Hemingway, constitutes the main tourist attraction.

This time, though, as we made our anniversary getaway to Key West, with all due respect to Papa and the famous bathroom legend about the pissoir which he had allegedly (and drunkenly) torn out of the wall and installed by the Sloppy Joe’s entrance as a bird bath, my fantasy ventured into a different realm.

Perhaps due to the day of the Fantasy Fest, when costumed, face- and body-painted denizens started appearing in the early afternoon, or maybe because we met this adorable couple who kindly agreed to be photographed, but as we were “watching the sun bake” (Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville),I became captivated by the image of the 18-year old gorgeous redhead standing her ground against a cluster of marines.

Rather than “nibbling on sponge cake” (ibid.), we were snacking on my traveling rations, Steel Cut Oat cookies enhanced by a goodly measure of chocolate chips – did you doubt me? Dump room temperature Smart Balance into an egg or substitute (vegan choice) whisked with brown sugar, cream it together and add the dry ingredients, including chocolate chips.

Plop tablespoons (I use ice cream scoop) of sticky thick dough onto barely misted baking pan and enjoy Jimmy Buffet for a few minutes.

The best traveling rations in the world are ready: nutritious, filling, nutty and chocolatey delicious, they don’t crumble into your lap – and your car! – while on the road and don’t turn stale.

I doubt that the real pirates of the Caribbean, including young pirate queens, had this kind of rations packed for they journeys, but you can do it easily – lucky you!

INGREDIENTS

• 1/2 cup Smart Balance or any butter substitute room temperature
• 1 cup brown sugar tightly packed
• 1 large egg or substitute
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup whole wheat flour
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• Pinch of salt
• Pinch of cinnamon
• 1 1/2 cup steel cut oats
• 1 cup or more chocolate chips

PROCEDURE

• Preheat oven to 350 F. Lightly mist baking pan with oil.
• Whisk egg or substitute with brown sugar, add Smart Balance, cream together to smooth consistency.
• Add dry ingredients, mix thoroughly.
• Spoon onto pan, leaving 1″ distance between spoonfuls. Bake for 12 – 15 minutes, until edges are browned. Cool on rack.

Enjoy!